Nomi Rants

This is a long post, but it is important that I be complete as I can be in my story so that you the reader can understand as much as possible my upbringing, surroundings, and education in regards to cultural diversity. It is important to understand my State first, and then my background, and finally where I have come to. My intent is not to justify racism, nor is it to explain away responsibility. It is not to get a pat on the back for being culturally sensitive. It is to demonstrate that not all racist actions come from staunch racists. It is to share my story and my personal journey towards understanding better the world around me.

This is not a post blanketing the "white culture" experience, since white culture is diverse just like Black Culture is. In this post I do use generalizations about Black Culture, Minority Culture, and White culture, and it is meant to be taken as a sociological approach to the conversation and not the assumed lived experience of any one person.

This is my experience. My story.

Also, If you live in Idaho you probably don't need to read over the Idaho section, I wrote this part in particular because not everyone knows about the State dynamics as an environmental factor in my upbringing. I felt it was important to explain the surroundings I navigated through growing up here.

Idaho

Idaho is a state that is about 96% caucasian. We have about a .08% black population. We have about 1.6 million people living in this state. These numbers are important. Not only are we predominantly white, but we do not have large cities. The largest metropolitan area in Idaho has roughty 664,422 people. A little over half a million people spread over a dozen municipalities, with sprawling farmlands sprinkled in everywhere. We are a rural state. Most of the towns in this state have less than 3,000 people in them, and there are TONS of towns that have less than 500. If you live in Idaho, you have roughly a 50/50 chance of living in a small town and working a manual labor job. A lot of these small towns are logging or mining towns where the vast majority of jobs come from the mill or the factory or the processing plant. Manual labor jobs. This predicates a blue collar attitude, wherein even if you were going to a nice sit down place in the Capital City of Boise, you will most likely see over half the crowd in blue jeans and a t-shirt. We don't get fancified often, and when we do, we wear our nice Sunday jeans.

The nearest major city, Salt Lake City, is over 300 miles away. Portland is 430 miles away. We are absolutely separated from the rest of the world this way. Most towns are miles between each other with either sprawling farmlands, desert, or jagged looming mountains dividing each community.

These numbers are important to understand. Idaho is remote, isolated, I think far more than just about any state in the South but I could be wrong about that. The joke in these parts is that Idaho is the Deep South of the Pacific Northwest. And there is a bit of truth to that. The pervasive culture for caucasians is Cowboy/Country. A lot of people in this state have either worked a farm or ranch, or has family that does so. A lot of us know how to ride a horse, have been to a rodeo, and still think the State Fair is the bees knees. Back yard gardens are often utilitarian, producing fruits and veggies meant for eating and canning. Smaller towns have a large hunting population not for sport, but for subsistence. Getting a deer tag might mean the difference between a full or empty freezer for the winter. These smaller towns tend to be dirt poor and limping along unless some Rich out-of-staters find it charming enough to make it their vacation home (See Sandpoint, McCall and Sun Valley).

Politically we are conservative. In fact our Governor Butch Otter was named THE MOST conservative Governor of all 50 states. Idaho has not voted Democrat in a Presidential election since 1964. What few Dems get voted into local or state office are overrun by Republican majority. We also have a shitty voter turnout rate. Less than 40% of eligible voters actually voted in the last presidential election. The midterms drew a whopping 20% turnout. The age for voters is skewed heavily towards the over 55 category.

13% of our population are Military Veterans. A lot of young people join the military because they cannot afford college on their own and cannot find a living wage job here. Personally, over half of my friends have either been in, or are still in the military in some capacity. I am just grateful that no one I have personally known has perished at war, but plenty of our soldiers have. One good thing about our Vet facilities here though is that we have top marks in service, turnover time, recovery and so on.

We have about an 88% graduation rate for High School, and a 25% graduation rate for a Bachelor's degree or higher. We are 49th in the Nation for Per Student Spending in primary and secondary education. Tuition at Boise State University, the largest university in Idaho, has increased over 300% over the last two decades while minimum wage increased 170%. 25 years ago a single person could hold down a part time job and go to college. Now, if you had a minimum wage job you would have to work 2 full time jobs to be able to afford enough to live on and pay for college out of pocket.

We have white supremacist groups, especially up North near Coeur d'Alene. In the 1980's Aryan Nations leader Richard Butler encouraged white supremacists to retreat to Idaho to create an all-white state. The vast majority of them went to Northern Idaho. America's Promise Ministry was established in Arizona, but was moved up to Northern Idaho for the same reasons. The National Socialist Movement has a presence here. All in all there are 9 hate groups that the Southern Poverty Law Center has identified in Idaho. When people from outside of the State think "Idaho" they tend to think two things. Potatoes, and Neo-Nazis.

Why do I bring all of these facts up? Because I want to explain that I live in a impoverished, poorly educated, blue collar, isolated state. Despite my parents best intentions these factors affect my upbringing. They do not excuse anything, but they are factors. The environment around me, this great State that I love with all my heart, shaped the way I saw the entire world.

My Education

I was raised in Boise from Kindergarten. We moved to Boise the same year that BSU installed its first Blue astroturf in fact! The population for the area was roughly half the size it is now. I was NOT raised to be a racist. My parents taught me tolerance and respect for my fellow human beings regardless of skin tone. I was taught about the importance of the civil rights movement in the 60's. I had (as far as I can tell) no bad feelings towards anyone who didn't look like me just because of their looks. In short I was raised to be a decent human being as all kids should.

What I WASN'T taught, was that the civil rights movement in the 60's did not magically erase all the racism and hatred from people's hearts. I was spoon fed the opposite in fact.

In elementary school I was taught that Christopher Columbus was a brave explorer who sailed to the new world and made friends with Native Americans. I was taught that the Pilgrims came to America to be free. They met Native Americans and became friends with each other and shared a meal. I was taught that Slavery was a bad thing that happened a really long time ago, but all that was fixed when the Union won the Civil War. I learned that Native Americans were largely violent, ignorant warriors who needed our civilizing ways to improve and become themselves civilized.

I was taught that a few bad people down South didn't like minorities, and so Jim Crow laws were passed, but that the rest of the nation rallied and got them removed. I was taught that while there were still some tensions bleeding into the 70's that we all get along now. I was taught that white supremacist groups were few and far between. I was taught that the government was keeping them under control. I was taught that they were largely viewed as a joke and weren't taken seriously.

TV

Despite all of this, I had no practical experience or understanding of Black Culture, or any minority culture for that matter. I knew no black people because there simply weren't any in my world. My only actual exposure to black culture was through TV. In Sesame Street where cultural diversity was a standard, everyone got along and race wasn't discussed. Different cultures were discussed, but nothing about race relations. And to be fair, I'm not entirely sure it is Sesame Street's job to get into such a complex and in-depth conversation.

I watched The Cosby Show rather religiously. I also watched Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, Sister Sister, Moesha, In The House, Family Matters and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. At the time I had no idea that these shows were carefully crafted to present black people as "white friendly" meaning they were basically put in Caucasian culture with a little bit of "black sass" to make them interesting. I had no idea that the reality of living in Chicago as a Black Cop would not look AT ALL like Family Matters.

Take Fresh Prince for example. In west Philadelphia he was born and raised. My impression of West Philadelphia was that it was a bit rough, what with people picking other people up and harmlessly spinning them around on their shoulders. I remember a few episodes where Will might mention how rough his life before was, but the very notion of gun violence, gang violence, poverty, and systemic oppression were so foreign to me I never processed what he was really talking about.

DJ Jazzy Jeff's character was particularly hilarious because he always overreacted to everything! I went back and watched later only to realize that I had been laughing at his reactions to his actual lived experiences. In one episode I remember him speaking about if the police come, an ass kicking is coming with them. It was hilarious at the time because I had no concept of being a black person in a poor black neighborhood where the police aren't necessarily there to serve and protect as much as control and discipline.

My understanding of black culture was whitewashed in the most literal, visceral, and profound way imaginable. And I couldn't even ask someone of color who lived in any of these places if any of this was accurate. I had to take at face value what was handed to me. I was told by TV that racism was a thing of the past. Why would I question that growing up? I wouldn't and I didn't.

It wasn't until 9th grade that I started becoming affected by race relations in any memorable way. My 9th Grade History Teacher taught us the truth about Columbus, The Pilgrims, the move to the West, Native Americans, the works. In a single year I learned that I had been singing the praises of murderers and villains in my youth. Thanksgiving transformed from a fun holiday where we all gave thanks to this marker of deception and betrayal. I was infuriated to learn about the Trail Of Tears. My teacher told us what slave owners did to their slaves, We were exposed for the first time to the details of the Jim Crow Laws and how horrible they really were. I was angry because I felt like the first 6 years of my education were a total lie.

But I still had no concept or understanding of what happened after the Civil Rights Movement. I still thought it was all okay now. I thought everyone felt the same as I did, that there was no reason to hate a person because of what they looked like. I assumed this concept was ingrained into every American just like it was with me, and I wasn't told any different.

My mistakes

It was also in 9th Grade that I experienced my first conflict over cultural appropriation. There was this beautiful girl in my French class who happened to be black and happened to have the longest most beautiful braids I had ever seen. Being as whitewashed as I was, I had absolutely no concept of cultural appropriation, let alone the very complex topic of "good hair" in black culture. We were all the same now, right? I had no idea at the time that within black culture there are varying views on how to do one's hair, and that these views are often STRONGLY tied to racial identity. I did not know that the simple act of a black person straightening their hair could yield angry backlash from some parts of their community, while keeping their hair "natural" could yield the same anger from other parts of their community.

So I wanted braids. I braided my hair and went to school the next day rather proud of myself for being bold and trying a new hair style. Another classmate, a latino girl came up to me and snarled at me "Take those fucking braids out before I kick your ass!" I was baffled. What the hell was her problem? She never cared about what my hair looked like before?!? I told her "No.". I braided my hair a few times throughout that year, and each time she would stare me down and yell at me. I want to take half a second right here to state that at no time was it her job to educate me about cultural appropriation. She had every right to be mad at me back then, I just didn't understand why at the time.

As well intentioned as I was, I was engaging in cultural appropriation. And I didn't even know it existed.

In my senior year of Government class there was a kid who shared my last name (White, ironically enough), but he wasn't related to me at all. His mother was white and his father was black. He was a star player on our football team, a popular kid whom everyone loved, and whose parents could afford name brand clothing for him. I on the other hand was very weird, loud, annoying, poor, and generally speaking not well liked by pretty much anyone.

One day we were talking about the civil rights movement in relation to reparations and Affirmative Action. This kid stood up and spoke passionately about how his people (black people) were still being oppressed even today. I did not listen to him.

Given my educational background and my understanding of the world at the time, I took one look at him with his expensive name brand clothing, his popularity, and his status in sports and I felt like he was mistaken or parroting some nonsense that he had been told. I disbelieved his authenticity because of what I thought the world was, not because of whatever experiences HE had. Instead of asking for examples or context, I stood up defiantly and shot him down. I pointed out what I saw as HIS overwhelming privilege with his popularity and clothing and the things I didn't have. With smug satisfaction most of the class agreed with me. I was justified. I saw myself this righteous truthsayer.

Now I realize that the other mostly white kids in the class probably had about as much cultural diversity education as I did. I was a rabble rouser rather than a righteous truthsayer.

After High School I started to realize racism was, in fact, alive and well in this country. But I also fell into the false narrative of reverse racism as a subconscious means of getting back to the idea that everything was equal. Sure, there was racism but also reverse racism, which balanced everything out. No need for me to look deeper, right?

A more complete education

At around 24 I went to college. This was a huge turning point for my understanding of the world. While I was not directly engaging in cultural diversity education, I was however exposed to a great deal of feminist concepts and ideals.

While this broadening of my education did not directly relate to my understanding of race relations, it did broaden my view of how I am treated in the world because of my gender. Realizing that I had some systemic hindrances simply because I was female gave me an acute sense of what marginalization actually feels like. I think that without this understanding I would not be able to empathize with other marginalized groups.

When I started learning about feminism and then later civil rights on my own, my eyes were widened to the larger world and a more truthful understanding of it. I started learning about oppression, cultural identity and ethnicity as well as some historical context for these topics.

I finally learned that there is, in fact, a complex history and cultural tension surrounding black women's hair, for example. I was finally aware of systemic oppression through drug laws. I learned about how Affirmative Action for college enrollment is useless when the elementary and secondary schools that minorities go to don't properly prepare them for college.

I was aware of the Confederate Flag, but in my experiences only white supremacists flew that flag. It belonged to them the same way the Nazi flag did, and marked them instantly as hateful bigots. I had to learn about "The War Of Northern Aggression" as an alternative narrative to what happened during the Civil War, and that there were still people who viewed that war as unjust. Some even believed that they had successfully seceded from the Union but that the Northern Oppressors were denying them their rights. I bring this up specifically because even now I'm still learning about this. I had no idea until most recently with the Charleston Church Shooting that some Government buildings were flying the Confederate Flag. Private people, okay fine that is to be expected in a free speech society and I was okay with that..... But Government Buildings??? I didn't even think that would be ALLOWED much less argued over so fervently.

I learned of the countless lives that had been taken due to the War On Drugs and it's unfair targeting of minorities, which led to a militarization of Law Enforcement, which in turn has led to profiling and more aggressive interactions with those minorities.
I learned that minorities were overwhelmingly poor compared to the rest of the country. That they were given less opportunities, more jail time, less human resources, and more false judgement based on their looks. In short, this "Melting Pot" is more like a veggie tray but only the carrots have full access to the dressing in the middle, the others get whatever is left over after the carrots are done.

Because I as able to see for the first time how I was being marginalized as a woman, I was able to understand others far better. I was able to acknowledge my privilege and deal with it. I was able to learn and grow and ultimately change my behavior.

I am writing all of this out, NOT as a means to excuse racism, but to explain that I never considered myself racist despite habitually participating in racist actions. I was operating with a level of privilege that I had no idea even existed. I was living in a carefully constructed echo chamber that I had to realize existed before I could escape it.

What can I do?

I had to think about my privilege as something other than an inherent character flaw, but instead as a behavior I could adjust and modify to be better. The best explanation I've ever heard of this idea came from Jay Smooth. If you have never heard of Jay Smooth, he is a Hip Hop Radio DJ and Vlogger who also addresses issues like civil rights, women's rights, race and culture.

Here is the Ted Talk he did which specifically addresses the idea of talking about race, racism, and being called a racist.

This is probably the hardest concept I had to get into my head. Just because I engaged in racist actions or words doesn't mean I am and always will be a racist no matter what. I have the power to change. Just like Jay says, it is brushing teeth rather than taking some magical anti racist pill that will forever fix the problem. We have to practice compassion, check our privilege, and listen on a daily basis. It is an active thing, not some passive genetic imperative.

Just talking about the fact that I have privilege felt wrong at first. That kindergarten infused narrative of "everyone is the same" is so a part of my thinking that I felt it wrong to even state that I DID have it better than anyone else. But I had to accept that fact.

We all have advantages and disadvantages that are predicated on stereotypes, status, race, gender, ethnicity, geographical location, economics, etc. No one person has the exact same amount, and it isn't a quantifiable number anyway. There is no yardstick by which to measure relative privilege, nor should there be. Each person's lived experience is theirs, complete and whole in their heart and just as valid as the next persons.

BUT, if I ignore my privilege and ignore other's lived experiences, then I am contributing to the problem, not working with everyone to find a solution. Instead of refuting the claims of those who have less advantage than I do just because I have never seen or heard of those claims I had to listen and hear them. I had to come to a place where I could fundamentally understand where they were coming from, even if I had never experienced what they were going through. This is called Empathy.

AND it was MY job to learn. I can't expect minorities to come up to me and in a super friendly way politely explain their experiences and histories. Most likely they have been ignored by people who look like me for so long that they don't really feel inclined to hand hold yet another well intentioned ignorant white person. I would probably feel the same way if I were in their place.

On "Black Culture" and stereotypes

Also, Black culture is not just ONE culture shared across the country. Black culture is as diverse as white culture or hispanic or any other culture.

I can't expect a black person to know everything about all the different kinds of Black Culture out there. Chances are they haven't experienced all the black culture themselves. What it means to be a black person is different all over the country, the world even. It is the same for any race. White Americans are not the same as White Europeans, and even within those two groups there is huge diversity depending on what sub culture we are talking about.

Likewise, I cant be expected to know everything about all the minority culture. But what I CAN do is challenge Stereotypes as a means of authentic engagement in other cultures. I can choose not to perpetuate those narratives that whittle a diverse and rich multi-culture down into a joke at their expense.

I've heard before "Stereotypes have a kernel of truth to them." as a means of excusing the stereotype being used. Stereotypes have a kernel of truth to them the same way a pile of shit might have a kernel of corn. Yeah, it might be there, but it is covered in shit, and you have to get shit on your hands to try and find it. Leave the stereotypical pile of shit alone, and go seek a comprehensive understanding of the people themselves.

If someone complains about being oppressed do not dismiss them hat in hand. Ask them questions about their experiences and then do some research to better understand the context of the situation. Get involved. You may or may not agree with them in the end, but at least you have engaged IN the conversation rather than battling the conversation.

On Cultural Appropriation

Just like when I was in 9th grade, I think braids and dreadlocks are beautiful. In fact I would love to have dreads of my own. My hair is thin and fine, wispy to the point that nothing but short hair works for me. If I grow my hair past my chin it starts to look horrendously stringy and gross. As a result most of my life I have had short hair.

I would love to put dreads in my hair as a means of having long hair. I have a decent understanding of dreads, where they come from, their history, how to take care of them, etc. Which means I also know now that wearing dreads, even with all this racially sensitive knowledge I have in my brain, will be seen by black culture as appropriation.

So what is appropriation anyway? If we all want to get along and love each other shouldn't we be engaging in each others cultures, styles, experiences? Isn't it hypocritical when a black person tells a white person they can't wear dreads because it is disrespectful? Actually no. For so long too many white people have taken just a shallow glance at black culture and have found a few things they think are "neat" and without engaging in understanding, they take those few things for themselves. No, not every white person who wears dreads is ignorant of their significance and history. No, not every black person has strong feelings about white people wearing dreads. But that appropriation has happened enough that Black Culture on the whole really doesn't trust white culture to treat Their heritage with respect.

This will change, eventually, as we start to talk and listen to each other. Eventually if we engage each other in honest discourse, the tension surrounding appropriation will ease because minorities will feel more comfortable letting the majority engage in their cultural space. In short, we have to prove we can be authentic. I think someday it might be okay for me to have dreads, but I dont feel comfortable engaging in that space right now because no matter my intent, others who have come before me have set a tone. That tone is hard but not impossible to change.

We have to keep talking

What we are lacking is a continuing conversation. I wanted to share my story not as a means for kudos or cookies about how far I've come as a person. I dont need that, nor do I deserve it for finally recognizing what others have been saying for so long.

I did it because we all have to tell our stories, on all sides. AND THEN we have to listen to everyone else's stories. Not competitively, not as a means to oneup each other or to prove "I got it worse than you", but as a means of better understanding each other. Authentic conversation with the intent of learning more about each other as people.

We stopped having the conversation nationally which has only hurt us as a Country. We cannot pretend that cultural diversity doesn't matter. And we can't blanket statement "all lives matter" as a rebuttal to "Black Lives Matter" and expect that to be a reasonable response to a cry for recognition. Saying All Lives Matter instead of recognizing that a marginalized group is trying to be heard is the same as shushing them for speaking out of turn.

Imagine if a kid had a bag of candy, and they are handing that candy out to all of their classmates. This child passes up three people he isn't particularly fond of. It isn't that the kid HATES these people necessarily, but rather he is merely unwilling to share all the candy with everyone. When these three students who were left out raise their hands and say "We like candy!" the kid simply replies to them "All people like candy" and walks off. Not only were their concerns of unfairness NOT addressed, but they were flippantly dismissed. THIS is what is happening when white people tell the Black Lives Matter movement that "ALL lives matter."

They know that. THEY are the ones that are saying that. "Black Lives Matter" is a phrase representing a larger concept that was shortened so that it would fit into a easily rememberable hashtag. Such is the nature of the internet, everything has to be shortened. The full concept of the movement however is more like "All lives matter, but minorities do not feel as though they are actually being treated that way, and after decades of continued unfair treatment and decades of trying to change this inequity through proper means, we are now so frustrated and angry and fed up that we feel as though the only way to actually get the world to hear us is through this movement." Unfortunately this fuller concept doesn't neatly fit into that hashtag.

Being an Ally

Don't say "All lives matter" as a rebuttal. Also don't say shit like "I don't see color". We are willfully erasing cultural diversity in it's entirety when we say that. You are saying that everyone has the same experiences as you when in reality no one will have the same experience you have. Similar, sure, but not the same.

An Ally does not just gloss over the surface of a problem and then tout that they know everything about it. An Ally wades in and emerses themselves in a comprehensive understanding of the problem. An Ally listens more than speaks to those who are marginalized. An Ally makes mistakes. An Ally learns and grows and never accepts being "good enough".

An Ally stands with those they support, not in front of, not behind. With.